BULLDEROS REPORT: $40,000 MOTORCYCLE PURCHASE EXPECTED TO PAY FOR ITSELF IN FREE SNACKS

Bullderos Report — by Tiffany Today

LAKE OF THE OZARKS, MO — With Bikefest approaching September 15–20, local businessman and questionable financial strategist Antonio Bullderos is once again defending his decision to purchase a roughly $40,000 motorcycle for one very specific purpose:

Getting free snacks from Smith's HD Mechanics.

According to Bullderos, the motorcycle was less of a recreational purchase and more of a long-term transportation and snack-acquisition investment.

“People keep focusing on the $40,000,” Bullderos explained. “Nobody is calculating the savings.”

Sources familiar with the situation confirm Smith's HD Mechanics has been known to provide complimentary snacks, creating what Bullderos describes as an “untapped return-on-investment opportunity.”

During Bikefest, those opportunities will reportedly include hot dogs and a variety of snacks on Friday from 12–3 p.m., followed by breakfast burritos on Saturday from 9–11 a.m.

His strategy is simple:

Ride motorcycle to Smith's HD Mechanics.

Acquire free snack.

Leave.

Repeat until motorcycle has paid for itself.

Financial experts estimate this could take anywhere from several thousand years to never.

With thousands of motorcycles expected around the Lake for Bikefest, Bullderos believes the timing only further validates the purchase.

“You can't show up during Bikefest in a car and eat free snacks,” he said. “There are standards.”

Smith's HD Mechanics has not confirmed whether additional snacks will be stocked in preparation for Bullderos' aggressive cost-recovery strategy.

At press time, Bullderos was reportedly considering another trip.

He was hungry.